Southern Names

So.... my good friend invited me to an afternoon at the country club pool. Anyone who knows me understands that I would rather spend a week at abu ghraib. It is painful on so many levels, outrageously expensive dues, shitty food, and mind numbing conversation with women in tennis skirts who are bragging about the achievements of their offspring. I am sitting on my chaise lounge that probably cost $5,000, and listening to two women talking. One is hugely pregnant, as are many who are poolside, it is all the rage to have at least 4 kids. Sorry,  I won't be signing up for that fucking club. Names are being discussed, which in their world can be quite interesting, or not.   The usual suspects are being tossed about... Mary Carter, Mary Helen, Mary Katherine, Mary Margaret...... dear GOD do they have no imagination? How about Mary Fucker? That has a nice ring to it....... On the other side is a woman who has had so much plastic surgery that she makes Joan Rivers look like a goddess. I need at least two more $10.00 cocktails to endure this shit...... Other names bend toward the obtuse..... you don't know if the kid is a boy or girl, of course these are "family names". I am calling BS on that, most of these people are new money and pulled these out of their asses.